“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain
Every now and then, we need a good scare.
I’m not talking about being chased by zombies or riding that new roller coaster we’ve heard so much about or watching a scary movie and somehow not peeing ourselves.
I’m talking about change, adventure, movement. The courage to get outside our comfort zones, whether that’s trying a new food or a new way of thinking. The courage to realize that, yes, this will be terrifying and it may not work out at all or maybe just not the way we’re thinking, but we will come out of it stronger, richer individuals, better informed about ourselves and the way we work, the things we want, the things we don’t want.
In my opinion, that courage — and the accompanying fear necessitating said courage — is the toughest kind of all.
And I am currently enveloped in it.
For some time now, I’ve wanted to live in New York City. There are lots of reasons for this.
The most superficial stems from when I was much younger and watched romanticized and unrealistic movies like You’ve Got Mail and agreed with Meg Ryan that, yes, New York in the fall must be a beautiful thing indeed; or when I watched Friends and fell in love with the idea of living there, regardless of the facts that the show wasn’t even filmed there and that I would never be able to afford an apartment like Monica’s.
But there are other, more important reasons, too.
There is so much going on in New York — so much culture, so much entertainment, so many different kinds of people and neighborhoods and life all crammed onto this island the size of my local airport (I’m talking solely about Manhattan here, of course). What an inspiration, what a thrill. I want to experience this. I want to immerse myself in it, and see what happens.
I also want to experience change.
I’ve lived in Texas my whole life, never outside a thirty-mile radius of where I was born. I could drive around the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex blindfolded (although I would never actually do that; Texas drivers are intense, y’all).
It is comfortable to me there. I love the wide, open spaces, the rolling prairie grasses, the bluebonnets that line the highways for that magical, ephemeral period in the spring. I love the food, the big sky that stretches on forever, the friendliness of people. Complete strangers smile and wave at you on the road (well, depending on what road you’re on; you’d better not smile and wave at anyone on 635 or one of the toll roads; you’d better floor it to at least 80 miles per hour or you WILL get eaten alive by that SUV behind you). If I’m feeling pensive, I can go on a long drive past horse ranches and prairieland, and then stop by Sonic on my way home for a giant drink because, you know, it’s summer like six months of the year there, and you’d better hope the air conditioning unit in your car is working, but even when it is, sometimes you need a cherry limeade to quench your thirst.
I will miss this – this comfort, this familiarity, this sense of home. I will miss seeing the occasional cowboy-hatted man and smiling wryly because I know that there are people in the world who think all Texans dress like that and own horses and live on ranches and say y’all (well, yeah, most of us do say y’all, and it is an extremely efficient and convenient contraction, thank you very much). I will miss traveling elsewhere and saying I’m from Texas, and people immediately knowing where and what that is. I will miss the unmistakeable identity, gumption, and pride of my home state and the people in it.
I will miss — god, how much I will miss — my friends and family. These friends are people I’ve known since we were all twelve years old and suffering through the awkward hell that is middle school together. And my family, my Battleship Legrand — I will miss seeing them every holiday, and I will miss being only an hour or so away from my grandparents’ house, my Coolest Aunt‘s house, my precious cousins. I will miss my dad, my Writer’s Dad (he calls himself WD), who has always been so unwaveringly supportive of me, who always has a cheesy joke ready, who always has a giant Dad hug ready. I will miss my stepmom, my stepbrothers, my stepsister.
I will miss my dog, Amos, who is prissy and surprisingly cutthroat around other dogs and acts like a puppy even though he is now an old man. I will miss my brother, who is the best brother in the world. I will miss my mom, who is my hero, my best friend, my rock. We’ve gone through so much during the past year. A year ago today, we were in the hospital as she recovered from a radical surgery to get rid of the cancer eating away at her insides. Skype only does so much; how will I go entire months without seeing her?
Honestly? I don’t know.
But I know that moving to New York is something I have to do. And I’m doing it, all right. In February.
(That’s in three weeks.)
I’ve spent the last few days hunting for apartments with future roomie Ellen (@ellenbwright on Twitter). I’ve heard a mariachi band playing on the subway. I’ve discussed strategies for surviving the zombie apocalypse with our broker. I’ve spent a lot of money — oh boy, NYC living; it’s intense, y’all — to secure an apartment that I just love.
I’ve been so giddy that I’ve had to resist skipping and singing my way down Broadway.
I’ve been so terrified, so worried that I’m making a mistake, so already overcome with missing my family, that I’ve had to sit down and hug myself and remind myself that I am strong, that I can do this, that it will be scary and hard at times, yes, but it will also be wonderful. I have friends here. I have a man I love here. I even have a second cousin here! I’m only a four-hour drive away from one of my oldest friends, who lives in D.C. The publishing industry is here, my agent and editor are here, fabulous writers are here.
I can do this. I am doing this. It’s already been an adventure, and I know it will continue to be. Maybe I will hate it. Maybe, a year from now when my lease ends, I will be heading elsewhere. I will miss my family and friends so much that some nights all I will do is hurt. But I will meet new friends and I will be able to go to Books of Wonder launch parties. I will attend New York Phil concerts and go to museums. I will eat more pizza than I probably should. I will find my favorite writing spot at some cafe or coffee house, and I will write more than I’ve ever written before.
I feel like my “real life” is starting now, so far from home, so far from everything I’ve ever known. That isn’t to say that my life until this point hasn’t been real; rather, it’s just that now, I’m truly out on my own, and I will become more richly, more fully myself than I have ever been.
It’s scary.
It’s exhilarating.
It will be an adventure.
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Tags: Adventures, Amos, Awesomesauce, Battleship Legrand, Change, Courage, Dad, Drew, Ellen the Roomie, Family, Fear, Friends, Mom, Moving, New York City, Oh God, Pizza, Planet Claire, Real Life, Writing
Claire is a Texan living in New York City! She writes fantastical stories, and her daemon is an ocelot but sometimes a unicorn. When presented with the choice to high five or not to high five, she will always choose TO HIGH FIVE. Her first novel, THE CAVENDISH HOME FOR BOYS AND GIRLS, due out August 28, 2012 from 
Aww, good luck with your move!
We will miss you!!!!!! xoxoxoxox
Embrace everything awful and wonderful about your new life, which is now your real life, because you’ve made it for yourself. Good luck! Hook ‘em horns! Etc.!
Never a better time! Do it and enjoy.
I love this post! It will be a great experience, and I look forward to hearing about it on the blog/twitter/etc.!
Also, Texas totally sounds like my province Alberta! Except for the six months of summer part, somewhat unfortunately. People think we all own ranches and wear cowboy hats too. And ohhhhh myyyyy, the sky!
Oh, shucks! You’re leaving the state before I get to meet you! Bad timing that. I know you’ll love New York, though, and New York will love you. Have a wonderful adventure!
So much love for this. You will have *such* an adventure.
My advice as one who has often gone on crazy adventures around the globe (and by myself, ususally): try to stay as grounded as possible before and during the journey. Walk barefoot where you can, breathe deeply, focus on the here and now when possible. Eat heavy food (in moderation). Breathe deeply some more. Carry a rock in your pocket to hold onto and squeeze when you feel like you’re going to be swept away by the overwhelming nature of change. Whatever makes you feel grounded, do it, and remember to do it often. It will make the move so much easier.
Good luck, and have fun!!!
You are my hero.
Wow, that’s awesome! I’m a big believer in this type of thing. Everyone should have to move at least 1500 miles away from home at least once in their life. Why? Because that’s when you find yourself. And that’s when you find out that those people over there…they’re people too. They might do a few things different but at the core they are just like you, each trying to make their way through life the best way they know how. The advice I have for you…live like you are a tourist. Force yourself to see and do and go as much as you possibly can. You never know when you might move away from the area, and people tend to settle in to routine and ignore the stuff around them. And NYC has some pretty darn awesome stuff! You won’t want to miss any of it.
Take time and drive over to Philly, go to Reading Terminal Market, and get a pork sandwich at Dinic’s. It’s worth the trip, trust me on this.
One Texas girl to another, good luck and enjoy the ride!
Dude. If you do this, I WILL BUY YOU THAT SANDWICH. Because it would mean you were visiting me. <3
Yay, you! It will definitely be scary and freaky and all those crazy things, but it will be awesome too. And the best part? Comparison heightens appreciation. You know that you will miss certain things, but there are are a million other things that you never realized about Texas that will become important. And it’s a good thing! Because you’ll look around New York with clearer eyes and see all the cool things the NYC has too. (Can you tell I want to move again?
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Jaysus, I nearly cried reading that, I can only imagine how you feel! Good on you Claire. I’m always so blown away by your courage. You’re going to write such an amazing chapter to your life in NY, and the best thing about friends and families is that the best ones remain so despite the distance. I wish I could live in NY without it being illegal. I can’t wait to read all about your adventures.
Wow, you are so brave! But you’ll be fine. And the thing is, it doesn’t HAVE to be permanent. It can be if that’s what you want, but you have choices all the time. Good luck with your move and I wish you the best.
Hooray! Welcome to the East Coast! I hope it’s a lovely adventure.
Congrats. <3 I'm originally from New York and one of these days, I will move back.
Good luck with your move and I hope you love living in NYC.
You are so brave, Claire. And I know you will LOVE your new home. Way to live your dream!!!
How exciting! I’ve always always always wanted to live in New York, but I don’t think I’ll ever get the chance. So enjoy it! Good luck!
It is going to be AMAZING. I’m so jealous of you. I wish I had the guts to pack up and move to New York City–the times I’ve visited there, I’ve absolutely fallen in love with it. Maybe some day!
I hope you have an AWESOME time, and I can’t wait to meet you on one of my trips up there! Also, Ellen is the best. <3
This is going to be our dual-yet-separate Year Of Adventure, my dear Crumpet. *hugs of solace and and courage and pride!!!*
I can vouch for this much: you know those emotionally dizzying heights and crushing depths we can get? on steroids, such a big move makes them. and reading this makes me even more proud to know you, i feel like my heart will bust straight out of my chest and fly across the Atlantic to give you a big sloppy hug (ewwww?). well. you know what i mean. or something. FISTPALM!
i love you. i miss you. you’re going to have a damn adventurous time of it. give NYC hell.
It will be so awesome!!!! Everything you can imagine to do is there and it’s a creative gold mind filled with people watching and awesomeness. Secret speakeasies and burlesque and eating on the cheap and living resourcefully among tons of people doing the same. A writer’s dream land I imagine.
Oh, and and, my grandma always says, whatever doesn’t kill you will make you stronger:)
Congrats! That is a scary move. I can’t imagine living in a place where it is not uncommon to NOT OWN A CAR. Though, you’re right, 635 drivers are freaking intense, so maybe that isn’t a bad thing. The DFW will miss you, but I know the NYC (here after know as that OTHER three-initial city) will welcome you home. I think you have the right attitude to make it. I remember when my wife and I went to Italy on vacation. Our first day, we were so intimidated, we wasted like an hour sitting in the lobby of the hotel waiting for our check-in before we finally realized that it was another two hours until check-in, and this was our only day in Venice, and we might as well embrace the fear and make the most of it. So embrace the fear and have fun!
I just read through you post on the move! It’s absolutely crazy to move from Texas to the East Coast. If you ever need someone to relate to or vent to on any of that stuff, absolutely give me a call. I’m also hoping to go out and visit New York in February, so we will have to meet up and you can give me the skinny. Also, I’m just a four hour ride from your lovely new home, so if you ever need to escape, just let me know! Best of luck on the move. It’s crazy and it’s going to be stressful but the experience will be awesome.
This was hard to read, but I’m glad I did. I’ve always known you can do anything you want. And remember, you may live in NYC, but, honey, you’ll always be from Texas!
Moving to a new place can be one of the best experiences in the world. Two years ago I moved from Australia to England and the experience has been phenomenal. I’m moving back home to Australia in February because my visa is expiring, but I know I will never look at Australia the same way again.
Everyone, thank you so, so, SO much for your kind words and encouragement, and for sharing your own experiences with me! It really helps to know that others have gone through the same thing and come out the other side just fine!