Confession: I am a super neurotic person.
This isn’t a particularly shocking revelation. Why? Because all writers are neurotic.
If you are a non-writer now doubting that statement, just stop. You are wrong. You either don’t know any writers or you don’t know the writers in your life well enough to actually know them.
If you are a writer now protesting that statement, just stop. You are in denial. You may pride yourself on being low-key and totally chill with shoving your words out into the world, but let’s face it — sometimes you’re really, really not.
Because, writers, if you’re anything like me (and don’t even play; you are like me), you often get sucked into what I’m going to call The Vortex of Doubt and Self-Loathing, or TVDSL, which is not a pronounceable acronym, or at least not unless you fudge it and say something like tivdsel, and what is that, anyway? Something vaguely Yiddish. Or maybe a legume. Also, TVDSL defeats the purpose of acronyms by actually taking more time to think about and write than the thing it’s abbreviating. But I’m a librarian, and librarians like acronyms, so here we are.
What is TVDSL?
I think TVDSL can be best explained by illustrating exactly how one falls into it:
1. One sits down at the computer with the intention of catching up on one’s social networking brouhaha before diving into one’s manuscript.
2. One chuckles at the witticisms on one’s Twitter feed, responds to blog comments, adds books to one’s Goodreads list.
3. One feels as though one is finally getting the hang of this “professional writer” thing. Look! A slight increase in blog traffic! Another person added my book to their to-read list! So-and-so McFlashypants re-tweeted my tweet! One celebrates.
4. …One stumbles upon a blog/tweet/giveaway/excerpt/interview/author photo/Goodreads entry/announcement/etc. that is more insightful/wittier/has more entries/hookier/cleverer/prettier/has more “to-read” adds/more $$$/etc. than one’s own.
5. One’s stomach disappears.
6. Immediately, all the confidence one had previously felt about one’s work ethic, manuscript, and social networking savvy disappears, too. One begins thinking bad thoughts.
7. One follows said bad thoughts to their completely irrational conclusion.
8. Instead of working on one’s manuscript, one cowers in the corner with blankets and tortilla chips, scrolling through “better” blogs/excerpts/tweets/Goodreads profiles/giveaways/EXISTENCES than one’s own, stifling the urge to vomit with more tortilla chips.
9. One feels even worse after realizing one has spent two hours not working on one’s manuscript, but rather binging on carbohydrates and being impressed with everyone other than oneself.
10. One thinks, “I rather loathe myself”…
…and before one knows it…
11. ONE HAS FALLEN INTO TVDSL.
What happens once in the TVDSL?
Simple.
We don’t write our books. Instead of working, we freak out. We agonize over the fact that Mr. Blahbleebloo has more Goodreads adds than we do, that Miss WhyDoICare gets a fillion comments on, like, EVERY blog post, that we aren’t part of the 2012 Awesomesaucies or The Whatsihoozits or The Group You Should Probably Be In If You Ever Want To Have a Chance at Selling Your Book and Not Either Using Unsold Copies of It To Keep Yourself Warm on the Streets or Fading Into Inconsequence via Your Cubicle.
We worry if we should be developing this or that shiny new social media marketing technique, or creating a better header for our blog, or writing more blog posts, or writing COOLER!!1! blog posts, or befriending this person or that person because THEY >>>>>>>>> us.
And the more we do these things, the worse it gets! The longer our books remain unfinished! The longer our brilliance goes unrecognized! The more tortilla chip crumbs we collect in our hair! And on and on, until not even Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton will touch that mess!
You know what we should be doing instead?
Writing.
None of that other stuff really matters if you don’t have a good product to back it up. And, once you do have that good product, none of that other stuff really matters.
Oh oh oh, see what I did there?^
So, the next time you find yourself panicking about how cool other people are*, remember that you’re pretty cool, too, but you’d be cooler if you’d stop worrying about them and what you aren’t, about what isn’t and what you don’t have and haven’t done, and instead just do this:
*Confession: This post was as much for me as for you. Seriously.
OMG. You are in my head. People keep telling me how much they love Twenty-Eight and a Half Wishes and can’t wait for the next book, which in turn causes me to FREAK OUT. What if sucks? What if Twenty-Eight was a fluke? What if I crash and burn and people point and laugh at me?
So I try to calm down and do what I’m supposed to be doing. Write. And if it sucks, I’ll fix it. but the key is calming down and writing. That’s when my support system kicks in and my writing peeps tell me to shut up and write already.
Shut up and write, Claire. <3
I love this! Soooooooooooo true. And the unicorn! *dies from the cute*
Well, if it’s any consolation, this post just shoved your right up there on the awesomesauce stakes. In my TVDSL world, anyway
I’m pointing people to this, and if they don’t read it forthwith, I’m walking behind them standing on the backs of their shoes until they do.
Just sayin’.
This was the funniest thing I’ve read all week. Thanks for that.
P.S., your blog is cooler than mine…hope that keeps you out of the TVDSL
I loved this – too hilarious and way too spot on:)
I loved this.
It took me a year to write my first book, and four months to write the second. I received a lot of good feedback on the first, but I was in a tailspin of TVDSL on the second. I am happy to report that feedback has been good on the second, but I am already starting TVDSL on the third.
You are right.
We are all nut jobs. But in a good way
If it helps any, I found this blog post through two different retweets–and also, you now have a new blog and Twitter follower for LIFE! You shan’t be rid of me now, and yes you can insert an evil laugh here, because it’s true. Suffice it to say, I SERIOUSLY needed to read this blog post.
And I’m not even a writer! At least, I’m not authoring a book at this point in life. Nope, I’m just a blogger. But I really, really want to be a good blogger, and I’m just starting out, and I’ve started before and quit because of…why, again?…oh yeah: TVDSL. I used to be a musician and had such crippling TVDSL that even though I was a very good violinist, I’d get panic attacks and serious hug-your-unicorn-and-scarf-chips jealousy attacks. I finally quit playing about 7 years ago, and while that was the right decision for me, it’s made all my subsequent forays into anything even mildly creative feel terrifying.
Thanks for writing about what can be truly heartbreaking: a writer who doesn’t write, a musician who doesn’t play, a blogger who doesn’t blog–with thoughtfulness and wit. And UNICORNS.
Saw this post via Twitter. I’m not a writer, but I love reading posts like this because it gives me a better perspective on what goes into the books that I love read. Also, HIGH FIVE because the visual aids were hilarious.
And from this one post, I can gather that you are one very cool person, too. =)
I don’t get like this about blogging yet, probably because I’m not really a blogger at all yet, but I’m constantly like this about my writing. It’s gotten to the point where I almost don’t want to read good books because fairly often I melt down into feelings of, “I will never write this well ever never ever.”
Yeah. Neurotic. We writers has it.
BUT I thought your post was lovely and amusing just like how all your posts are ridiculously amusing. The pictures helped me understand your plight.
How perfectly true – and I love your illlustrations!
*sighs* I’ve been dealing with TVDSL this week over a revision. It’s kicking my tail. Thank you for illustrating my neuroses.
I loved your illustrations.
This is exactly like me, although instead of a unicorn it would be a kitten.
CLURRRR. You are so right, all the damn time. This cycle is basically my life, but illustrated better. And I have a dog in the place of a unicorn. I could always strap a golden spiral horn on her head, but that would TAKE TIME AWAY FROM WRITING.
Next time I get all down in the dumps (which will probably be later on today) I’m going to read this. I am going to bookmark it for easy reading in the future, because this is the pep talk that every author needs. YOU. You are the best ever. Never change <3
Like a lot of people who are commenting, I saw this on Twitter. I’m going to re-tweet it, too. I’m an unpubbed writer who just finished a his third novel manuscript. I’m getting better with all the practice, and I know it.
However, I was spending FAR too long talking about writing, reading about writing, reading other people’s takes on writing, being intimidated by either better writers than me or by the subject matter I was trying to cover … all that to say I know EXACTLY where you’re coming from, and you’re right: the only thing is to write your damn book.
Loved this post. You’ve got a new fan.
Secret: As much as Squishy loves tortilla chips and cuddles, when necessary he can turn into an ASS KICKING DRILL SERGEANT UNICORN. Haul yourself out of TVDSL, WRITER! BUTT IN CHAIR! HANDS ON KEYBOARD! And on your next pee break, get me some BACON!
Oh my God you are brilliant. And I am NOT READING ANYTHING ELSE today.
I am going to work on my damn book…….RIGHT NOW.
OMG, this is awesome. And so TRUE! I’m signing off from better blogs now, which means yours
What Vodka Mom said! I laughed out loud… because my blog is a turd. You’re right… about everything. We all need to be reminded we’re not alone in unproductive thoughts. We’re all worthy of an audience, but we’ll never find one if we don’t write. Wonderful post. *clapping*
But look at your beautiful unicorn. It has a glorious purple mane. …Its horn might be overcompensating a little, but it sure is shiny. I doubt all of those other people have a unicorn that is as nice as yours.
not a writer, but this is so true about many things. fillion, losing one’s stomach, and unicorns blowing party horns…hilarious!!
Brilliant and “Thank you” – Point taken – must write… must write… must write
I adore you like whoa.
~V
OK, are you me? I really think you might be. Great post!
AHHHH! This is SO spot on *runs to finish draft* <<<<<333333
What a fantastic post. I love the drawings and the random unicorn (as well as the seriously amazing advice, of course).
I’m going to go check out the rest of your blog now. ^_^
So right. Getting busy now.
I am book marking this post.
And I find it odd that I was actually eating tortilla chips and salsa while reading this. lol
LOVE this. Especially because it included a shocked unicorn.
I just took a social networking class for writers, so I’m afraid I’m going to be sucked into that crazy Twiiter/Blog cycle even more than I was before. I need to remember to just write, and worry about that stuff when I have a free moment. Love your drawings! Thanks for the inspiring post
Thanks, sweetie, for voicing what I can’t ever seem to. I needed to hear this today, after wallowing in post-WIP despair. Hugs to you and your darling unicorn!
That adorable unicorn.
Thank you for the lovely, empowering graphic.
Adding one more to your eventual fillion of comments. Have also decided that ‘a fillion’ will be my official word count goal of the day, since it can mean whatever I damn well want it to at the end of my writing session. Also because it makes me think of Captain Mal.
I cannot believe that you posted this and I read it today—this should have MY NAME on it! Thank you–thank you–thank you! I am going to write (no, put away those chips! No more salsa!) You have a fan for life!
As much as I loved the sentiment of this honest and poignant post…the drawings, oh the drawings! *love love loves* Your unicorn! *LOVES* ♡
Huggles,
Lola
I too fall into TVSDL. I listen to other people and think “ZOMG THEY ARE SO GOOD I AM CRAP” and then I don’t practice or make reeds. I’ve started practicing recently and I’m going to KEEP CALM AND PRACTICE MY DAMN INSTRUMENT <3 (You inspire me <3)
You sucked this information right out of my brain and put it in your post, didn’t you? I swear, it’s like a sick roller coaster I obviously love to ride or else I wouldn’t hop on every day. Thanks for reminding me I’m not alone in my psycho craziness.
Love the Unicorn dog, or is it a miniature horse, I don’t know. Cute though. Never went through what you describe. Must be a girl thing ( oops, I’m sorry, don’t hit me, don’t hit me. Put down the chucks.) I write because I love it. The stories are inside and begging to come out. Follow the Muse, baby. My advice to folks with TVDSL is quit worrying about what everyone else thinks. Zone into your inner voice and let her/him write. When it’s complete – time to Tweet –
Peace and Love
This is brilliant!
Still laughing thanks! You did need to add that a good round of laughter at self will pull you out of the TVDSL
I am so totally turning your “keep calm” graphic into a wallpaper! But not until I consume an entire bag of tortilla chips …
This feels like me. I’ve been holding off writing because of all of this. I’ve been writing tiny stories and not pushing the ones I’m really passionate about because I’ve definitely been experiencing TVSDL.
That if I were to pursue all this *waves hands around at THINGS*, if I were to write a post, or join a Twitter chat, it wouldn’t matter because I’m not that great at all of it. Or at least not as good as so-and-so and whatsherface. So it’s left me neglecting my story loves for weeks at a time. And I mean I’ve noticed, but this is a real eye opener.
Thank you, my Claire. I really needed this.
*huggles*
I can’t believe I read this whole thing aloud. Wow. I was SO out of breath. I hope you don’t think like this all the time. If I were you my head would explode.
Anyway, great post and perfect timing for it. I’m definitely at that point, except for the fact that this is my debut novel so my book isn’t on Goodreads. I’ve been spiraling into TVDSL (which you misspelled just before the pics and said TVSDL which is “The Vortex of Self and Doubt Loathing” and makes a bit less sense.)
So now I’m here, telling you thanks when I should be *gasp* WRITING!
I loved your post Claire. Your words are sooooo true. I found myself laughing hysterically (sadly), especially when you incorporated the stick figure drawings (loved that unicorn, btw). Thanks for making me laugh and reminding me not to take myself (my obsessions) so seriously.
Neurotically Yours,
Amy
’nuff said!
Very well written and quite funny to boot. And it’s relatable? Sheesh, I’m following your work. =) Also, I love the title.
Every bit of this is true. At least we all understand each other. There is that.
I was halfway through this before I realized I was munching on Tostitos after an hour avoiding writing by reading blogs – including this one – that are way better than the one I’ve never dared begin.
Also, TVDSL could be Vo-Do-Lo, as in Voodoo Low, which is kind of how it feels.
Couldn’t stop laughing at the illustrations because I’ve been there a time or two and I’m pretty sure my face looked the same.
Under #7, the unicorn thinking about the star crossed out is perhaps the saddest thing ever. Unicorns shall not be disillusioned. Not on my watch. Time to write my damn book.
(Bookmarked.)
I love the vortex of despair, I have a condo there.
@souzawrites
I am in love with your unicorn and I gave this a little yellow star
Brilliant.
yes, but yes.
I needed this. No really. I did. THANK YOU.
::comes out of comforter and dusts off the cheetos::
Love this entry forever. Thank you for putting this out to the world! <333
All of you are WONDERFUL. Thank you so much for reading and commenting! <3
Love this post! Such great advice, and your unicorn is awesome!
Holy crap, I don’t know that I’ve laughed so hard in a long time.
Which means I’m neurotic (which means I’m a writer).
EVERY writer needs to read this. Regularly.
Oh wow, thank you for this. Back to writing.
Look at you with your 61 comments. You’re so COOL1!!!!
I really liked this, and I’m not even a writer of books (but I *am* neurotic).
( I also saw something this week that said “Keep Calm and Expecto Patronum,” and I liked that, too.)
This is really helping me! THANK YOU! I feel much better now that i’ve read this.
OMG. I love theses posts. They crack me up and are so fitting. -surfs blog for more-
Yeah, I’m definitely not reading this in an attempt to avoid my work or anything . . .
GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!
But very true. I’ll need to remember this so whenever cooler people remind me of how much of a better writer they are than me.
And I like your doodles. They make me lol!
This is brilliant. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!